Can I be more than a Doctor?

I’ve always said in another life I would have been an artist. And for a while it felt as though it’s a choice between medicine and art. From picking A-level art as my fourth subject, knowing when push came to shove, it would be the subject I devoted less time to. To not even bringing a pencil to paper for the first two years of university.  

During my third year, the university held an art in medicine exhibition. Finally, I had found an intersection between two things I enjoyed. This was the motivation I needed to prompt me to paint again. As I entered the local art shops, I felt the bubbles of excitement rise inside of me. Perusing the canvases and paints, ideas darted around my head of what I could possibly create. But even in this excitement was the backdrop of how this could contribute to my portfolio and the certificate provided for participating.  

I fell into this system of criteria and points; I was preoccupied on this idea that anything that consumed a large portion of my time had to be worthwhile and contribute in some tangible way.  

As medics we can be hard on ourselves and perfectionists. To pick up a pencil or paintbrush brought over this heavy air, knowing I’m not as skilled as a few years ago. It was scary to put myself out there, even if I was the only one to see it. The cycle of placement, revision and exams almost became a routine, and to deviate from this norm felt overwhelming.  

Now eight months into being a foundation year one doctor, I’m in a position where my evenings are no longer consumed by revision and exams. While the everchanging shifts and word load are tiring, there is a new flexibility in my free time to reexplore my old hobbies.  

I’ve pushed myself away from my own preconceived thoughts of what art should be and the fear I held within, with a particular focus on not shying away from making mistakes but to continue finishing a piece with imperfections. This new sense of freedom has also allowed me to become aware of the therapeutic and reflective practice art adds to my life, allowing me to feel more in tune with myself and allocate that independent time to process my thoughts. My measure of success has changed over the past year, spending less time focusing on tangible outcomes, but focusing on the journey each piece takes me on and the peace I have felt producing it.  

As I look ahead to my career, I’m sure the battle between the two will grow again with applications approaching, consequent exams and continued professional development expected throughout a medical career. However, I can now say I am both a doctor and an artist, so as the demands of life change, I am mindful that even on the busiest of days integrating 15 minutes of drawing keeps me grounded in who I am. I am confident that I do not have to be constrained to a singular aspect of my life, but actually my worth and value come from the multitude of things I love. 

Charlie Price

F1, Yorkshire and Humber Foundation School