What Have You Gained?

Description of poem: I wanted to write a reflective piece on my journey through the Foundation programme – highlighting with honesty its demands but also its rewards. The piece begins with a question a registrar asked me after my first weekend on-call as an FY1 “What have you gained?” I wanted to capture the duality of this experience – the toll it can take on your personal life, your energy, and sense of self, but also the invaluable lessons it brings. I hope to share the message that even when medicine feels like it’s asking too much, it also gives back in ways you might not notice at first: friendships, resilience, a deeper appreciation of life, and an opportunity to learn more about oneself. I hope to encourage other junior doctors to keep asking the question: What have I gained? and to hold onto those answers through the challenges ahead. 

What Have You Gained?  

I remember when I was a Foundation Year 1 doctor, 

having just finished my first ever weekend on call. 

I was with the medical registrar and the SHO, 

coming out of handover. 

We walked through the hospital, 

out of the buildings, 

looking like Avengers after a battle. 

Not very glamorous — 

mismatched scrubs, 

looking like we had just engaged in warfare. 

That weekend we faced: 

multiple arrest calls, 

deaths to verify, 

and sick patients 

both on the wards 

and in the medical assessment unit. 

I remember how I felt — 

tired, 

worn out, 

but full of camaraderie. 

Having spent the weekend with a team, 

over 36 hours with the same people, 

getting through it together. 

My medical registrar turned to me and said: 

You’ve given a lot to the hospital this weekend. 

But what have you taken from it? 

What have you gained? 

That question sits with me even today. 

I’m now at the end of my foundation year, 

and I won’t lie 

it has taken a lot from me. 

I’ve worked seventy-plus-hour weeks. 

I’ve watched the lives of my friends and family go by, 

feeling like a guest who featured only now and then. 

I’ve met friends an hour before night shifts, 

or an hour after long days  

because that was the only time I had. 

I’ve missed Christmases, 

holidays, 

birthdays. 

I’ve felt like a stranger in my own home, 

seeing the hospital more than anything else. 

I feel tired. 

I feel like I’ve run marathons. 

I’ve faced battles 

I never could have imagined. 

But what have I gained? 

I have gained close friendships 

with colleagues I battled alongside 

on the wards and in the medical assessment unit. 

I have gained a deep appreciation 

for the meaning of life. 

I have been privileged 

to support the patient with no family, 

to be a listening ear for the one 

who just lost their last loved one. 

I have come to know myself 

more than ever before. 

I know my strengths. 

I know my weaknesses. 

I know what I want  

and what I need. 

I cherish time with my family and friends, 

and never take it for granted. 

I have been stretched to my limits, 

and learned 

that I have more capacity than I thought, 

more capability than I imagined. 

I have also learned 

that in life, we have options. 

There are many paths. 

Seeing my colleagues and friends 

choose their own routes 

as we finish the Foundation Programme 

has given me confidence, 

hope, 

and inspiration. 

I have chosen to continue into specialty training  

but with adjustments. 

One being 

going less than full-time. 

I understand now 

how important it is 

to bring my full self to work  

and also 

to bring my full self 

to life outside of work. 

I’ve seen colleagues speak of how their love for medicine 

grew when they went less than full-time  

supported by the health board, 

regaining control of their lives 

without losing their love for medicine. 

I wish I could say 

to every new Foundation Year 1 doctor  

the same question my registrar asked me 

on my first weekend: 

Medicine — this career, this hospital  

will feel, at times, 

like it’s taking everything from you. 

But ask yourself, 

always, 

as often as you can: 

What have I gained from it? 

What has it shown me? 

What has it taught me? 

Where have I been inspired? 

How has it changed me? 

How have I changed it? 

Wishing all upcoming Foundation Doctors 

the very best 

in these next two years. 

Kimberley Phiri

F2, Wales Foundation School

All previous HOFP articles can be found on on our HOFP webpage